How to Connect to 97% of your Audience; Part 1

When speaking to an audience, how can you ensure you’ll reach them? How can you connect to each and every one of them? When you have to deliver a message to various individuals, they’ll be filtering what you say based on their different personalities, values, and communication needs. So how can you be consistent in getting your point across so you don’t get filtered out by any of them? If you can’t connect to them, not only will they tune you out, they’ll resent having their time wasted.

Welcome to Part 1 in our 4 part series "How to Connect to 97% of your Audience"

Cultural, gender and generational differences aside, these communication tips cover 4 specific areas you need to be aware of to get your point across to the diversity of personalities in your audience.

I have a quote “Find the need and feed the need”. When it comes to effective communication, you need to implement these tips so you can connect to them AND keep their attention.

1^st tip is to speak to the needs of the largest chunk of your audience members; the Motivating personality.

These are the people who are your natural ‘motivators’. It’s in their DNA. They like to get motivated; they like to motivate others; like an enthusiastic and passionate salesperson, politician, orchestra leader, coach. They are persuasive - and they are more easily persuaded themselves when you speak to their needs.

What’s their big burning question that you need to answer? Why. And the best way to answer their why is with benefits. The motivators are motivated by positive benefits. As they are listening to your message, be it subconsciously, their predominant filters are constantly searching and questioning for this.

“Find the need and feed the need” The Motivators in your audience will filter your message and form their concepts around how you address the benefits of Why. If you don’t address it, you’ll lose your impact, won’t connect to them, and get filtered out.

So in structuring your message, you can engage the motivators by answering simple questions such as:

What’s in it for me?

Why does this information benefit me?

How does it benefit my customers, the success of our business, the bottom line?

Why and how will it benefit my family, my relationships, life in general?

This is what will motivate them to connect to you and your message and in turn, the Motivators will rally around your message and embrace your point.

We’ve all heard that benefits sell. That’s why Part 1 of this series is about the tip that will engage the majority of the personality and communication needs in your audience. About 40% of your audience will be Motivators. The average speaker will engage 40% of the audience. A masterful communicator will have far higher odds.

Stay tuned for the other 3 tips to help you ‘nail it’ as a master communicator who can connect to 97% of their audience. Oh, and if you’re wondering about the other 3%? I’ll cover that in the 4^th part of this series.

LornaMcLaren
Training Specialist in Effective Communication, Conflict Resolution, Stress Reduction
LornaMcLaren.com
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3 Tips for Men when Resolving Conflict with your Woman

Gentlemen, these tips are for you. Women often have different perspectives and ways of resolving conflict compared to men. Also, the nature of the relationship you have with her will determine how you communicate; be it a business colleague, neighbour, relative, or stranger in the street. Yet when it comes to resolving conflict with your woman, your wife or significant other, it’s more important to do it well. There is more at stake when it’s your life partner. So these tips are designed to ‘open up a perspective’ on how to resolve conflict with your woman.

Tip #1
As an initial response to conflict, don’t get defensive.

It’s noble to want to protect her or feel responsible for her happiness, yet a gut instinct of defending yourself from being blamed puts you at a disadvantage. It may not be about you personally when she is expressing a criticism. If you first assume a defensive attitude, it may create a big misunderstanding that perpetuates. It takes you off course from actually resolving the conflict and it may create bad feelings between both of you. Also, if you go into defensive mode, your brain flips into emotional, knee-jerk reactions. It’s a fact. In the moment of stress and high emotion, our brains disengage from our reasoning abilities. It’s harder to see things rationally or objectively when in the emotional moment.

Tip #2
Don’t try to fix it, try to understand it.

Men, you do have a drive and capability to fix things. Remember, emotions are rarely clearly defined, people are different, and it’s hard to ‘fix’ something we can’t all agree on. Yet when it comes to conflict resolution, one of the biggest complaints from women is that their partner tries to ‘fix it’ when she simply wants or needs him to hear her out for the purpose of understanding. As you’re trying to fix the problem, she may feel it’s rude and disrespectful to not even allow her to get it off her chest. As we all know, sometimes just by being able to vent about a problem – half of it disappears just by being able to express it. So men, maybe she needs your strength as a supportive ear; a good listener. And as a bonus to this tip, if she feels that you are a good listener, it’s a great aphrodisiac.

Tip #3
Avoid blaming her ‘emotions’ as the cause and affect of the conflict.

Whether that’s the case or not, this tactic rarely works. How someone ‘feels’ is a bi-product of a specific problem or misunderstanding that has caused the conflict. And if the conflict is ignored or not resolved, it just snowballs. Emotions are not wrong per se, and sometimes we don’t choose them. Sometimes people just ‘feel’ a certain way. Yet if emotions get really raw ‘during’ your conflict resolution, it may be wise for both of you to respectfully take a break and revisit it later. As another perspective, if you blame her emotions for the conflict, it’s a weak defense. It can also be a cheap shot in trying to detach completely by blaming the whole thing on how somebody else ‘feels’ about it. It’s also a weak defense that is sometimes used as a tactic when somebody is actually caught doing something wrong. It’s a lot easier to blame the other person’s emotions than to fess up. Yet most importantly gentlemen, never, ever, ever blame it on hormones. Just trust me on that one.

Your relationship with your partner is so important. And effective conflict resolution can nurture the loving relationship you deserve.

7 Tips for Air Travel & Security Line-ups

With air travel getting more stressful and less dignified, here are 7 tips for check-in, security line-ups, and when on board the plane.

1. Get your boarding pass ASAP – Most airlines offer 24 hour advance check-in online and often you can change your seat if you don’t like the one they pre-selected for you. Less likely to be bumped and avoid the stress of being late for the check-in deadline when you have your boarding pass in your hand.
2. Dress for security success - Be aware of the accumulation of metal you may be wearing from shoes, buttons, buckles, to wire support bras to avoid the pat down frustration & humiliation search exercise under the glaring eyes of other frustrated travelers resenting you for the delay. Wear comfortable shoes without metal (ie: running shoes – most business shoes have metal in them) Take your belt off and shoes if you are unsure about the metal content of them.
3. Which security line-up to get into – if possible, get in the line-up that has more business travelers as they tend to be more savvy in packing & preparing for security. Sometimes families, party holiday people, and those delightful elderly who find it all new and confusing may delay the line.
4. Pack carry-on for success – YES, put all liquids in small 3 oz containers in a plastic bag. Even though every Transport Security Agent (TSA) will tell you, amazing how many people don’t do it and you’ll further prolong the ordeal for everyone else in line if you’re not prepared. A stuffed bag is harder to detect what’s inside so take out extra things to put in the bin if you’re packed to the max – electronics, anything metal. Regrettably, many flights currently will not allow ANY carry-on luggage so know in advance what restrictions there are.
   
5. Wear extra support socks as your feet will swell during flight.
6. Have food handy - Any flight under 3 hours will not offer you food & with delays, line-ups, & tight connections, eating can be challenging. Most airports tend to specialize in pizza, muffins, junk/fast food & carb heavy questionable sandwiches so bring something healthy. Examples: nuts, prunes, energy bars, tuna & crackers to-go that are found in grocery stores (fish, prunes, nuts are good for the brain) and have drinking water available.
7. Always be polite and respectful to the Transport Security Agents (TSA) even if they may be rude and less than diplomatic. Give eye contact with a pleasant expression. TSA’s are almost in the same hated category as parking meter attendants. Don’t give them a reason to feel defensive or disrespected – you don’t want to be singled out as they take the stress of their job out on you.

Be patient, take a breath, and try to have a positive attitude about it all.

Bon Voyage!

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Partner over Passion; Choices Women Make when Dating

When it comes to single women over 40 and their search for 'that special guy', maybe the good guys do win in the end.

I've been pondering this of late since 2 good friends of mine are going through strikingly similar situations when it comes to finding that 'relationship'. Their stories are so exact in their timing and situations that it's eerie, especially since we all live in different cities and these women are unaware of the others existence.

Here's the dish . . .
Great mothers, they both raised children while balancing work, and are now accomplished in their chosen professions. They're fit, good looking, happy, confident, divorced, and in their mid to late 40's. Their children are late teens and beyond. They would be considered 'a great catch' by many.

After venturing out into the world of dating, they both finally met someone who rocked their world! These guys connected to them in so many ways - it was passionate. "It's like I've found my soul mate". Yet as electrifying the excitement of the relationship was, so came the jolts of big misunderstandings, heated arguments and realizations that, oh no, I can't stay in this relationship. Too different in their values in certain areas that it would not work out. Both spent 2 years on that Rollercoaster with the man who felt so right yet was so wrong. It's one thing to know it's not the right relationship, it's another thing to turn off the chemistry and walk away. Chemistry is magic and it doesn’t come often.

Then, within a week, I get a call from both of them - same story. I knew they had both met a great guy 2 years ago and that they had some separation periods throughout because both women felt a little unsure when pressed for a stronger relationship. Now, both men wanted a commitment of marriage. This was their dilemma.

Without a doubt, both men were really nice who absolutely adored them. Family and friends thought he was perfect. Never any big conflict or waves. They had so much in common from activities to lifestyle, the perfect partner yet . . . there was no zing. These guys were everything these women thought they wanted yet there was no electrifying chemistry, no big passion spark or 'ahh' this is sooooo right when you're in their presence. You know the feeling I'm talking about?

They didn't have it from the beginning or throughout. And they do love their man - yet love means many things. Although both women get along with their ex-husbands, they don't want to go through the agony of a failed invested relationship again and fear making a mistake.

So as women, we're wondering. Do we have to compromise the passionate chemistry to find the perfect partner? Is there something 'wrong' with us if we can't just appreciate how fortunate we are to have found a nice guy and shallow to expect more? Are we all supposed to believe the 'zing' will fade anyway so let that expectation go?

Have we become smarter by giving up on finding that magical chemistry that is so elusive? Or have we given up in our expectations? Hmmm

In the end, it looks like my friends are going to chose the quality of Partner over Passion. I support and will route for them whatever decision they make. Although I don't know their partners well, I really like them. They're really nice guys and I'm thrilled to see them win.

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When Aproaching an Unsuspecting Customer, Recognize When NO really means "Back-off now, or you'll never see me again"

No can mean many things when uttered by a customer. Yet when it comes to the unsuspecting customer, be extra careful.

An unsuspecting customer is someone who didn't come to you, you approached them.

Now of course, the worst case scenario of this is with phone calls to your home, unsolicited intrusions into your inbox or that 'knock' on your front door. Granted, these are intrusive and hard to avoid yet at least we can have a smidgeon of control by call blocking, spam filters, and signs on our property. I'm talking about those times when you are out in public and someone 'approaches you'.

We know we can't avoid being advertised to or stop people from approaching us in public yet it can be done with an element of respect and consideration. An example of this are kiosks in airports. You are walking along to get to your flight, you see them, they see you, they approach you to promote their product - you can simply smile and shake your head No and walk on by. The sales person respects the unsuspecting customer's privacy and disinterest (in a product they weren't looking for in the first place) and the customer respects the sales person for not infringing on their request to be left alone.

Now, I have nothing against a sales person giving it another attempt - I respect that. Maybe your customer/communication skills and passion for your product can inspire the interest of the unsuspecting customer. If you don't have those skills or, if you're only out for self-interest, look out! You and the product you are representing may never have a chance with that customer again.

Here's an example of where it went horribly wrong.

Yesterday, I was racing around town catching up on 'all those errands' that just pile up. Really hot out there maneuvering through traffic as I go from bank to mailbox to dry cleaners to grocery store, all the while resenting how much time this eats up in my day. I dashed into a healthfood store - the last stop, grabbed the vitamin bottle and went directly to the cash registrar.

There was a Sales Rep for a new product lurking by the check-out counter holding brochures. I knew she was going to approach me and I could tell she was not keen in her 'job'. Not wanting to be bothered dealing with an unskilled, unmotivated 'sales person' while trapped with her at the till while my purchase goes through, I tried to avoid the 'inevitable pitch' and do it in a way that was respectful for all involved.

The 1st time she asked me to see her product, I simply said

"I appreciate it yet regrettably, I have absolutely no time today. Perhaps later, just not today. Thank you for understanding." I thought that was pretty direct in a polite way.

Sales Rep: "Oh, I thought you were someone who was interested in their health."

Although I was surprised by her comment, she was in her 60's, probably unskilled in understanding the effects of how she words things and I wanted to be polite.

"Perhaps another day. Please know at this time, I am on the verge of a headache and I've a very hectic day. I'm sure you can appreciate why now is not a good time for me."

The Sales Rep continued to push her product. Incredulous! Since I teach people how to communicate with diplomacy, I thought I'd practice a bit more of what I preach even though I could feel an insulting comment bubbling to the surface. So, I turned to face her directly, steadfast engagement with her eyes and a slow, even tone said . . .

"With all due respect to you, please know - without a doubt - that now, is not the time to promote your product to me."

If she had respected my wishes, and just let me go, perhaps next time in that store, I'd check out the new product yet no. She pushed again to show me her product.

I left that store knowing I would NEVER COME BACK.

Shame on:
- the company who hired a Rep with no customer service skills and no desire to learn them

- the Rep who ignored the customer's pleas for the self interest of 'making a sale'

- the store employee who witnessed and allowed a customer to be harassed by an outside Rep

When you approach an unsuspecting customer, listen to what they mean when they say NO. If not, when it comes to getting their business (add music here) You're never gonna get it. Never, ever gonna get it.

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Multi-tasking and the brain

Consciously trying to multi-task, being pressured into multi-tasking, or when our immediate focus is distracted with the intent of taking on yet another task simultaneously while . . . be aware. It's tough on the brain.

When you try to accomplish various things simultaneously, you'll probably end up doing a half-buttocks job on all of them. It trips up the brain and dilutes it's ability to focus. It's frustrating, debilitating, stressful, less productive, and perhaps even dangerous.

Example: you're stressed about an event that happened while trying to pass cars and get somewhere fast while explaining your frustrations to your passenger while she's interrupting you to remind you of the directions to take, AND simultaneously entering phone numbers into her iPhone, clearly unable to focus more than a minimum on your story and she knows it so she starts asking you questions about your dialogue out of feigned interest yet her next question comes with such bullet speed, you know she wasn't really listening to the answer you didn't have time to complete in the first place . . . meanwhile, YOUR cell phone goes off, maybe it's your son? oh! remember to take the next right at the light, hmmm, if I just reach a little to the left of my pocket I should be able to turn on the bluetooth and take the call or to at least turn off that distracting ringing while keeping my eyes on the road, oops - almost forgot to check that blind spot, what was that question you asked me? Where was I?

Multi-tasking at work, while cooking, while talking/listening to someone when you have way too much on your mind at the same time; its just different variations of the same dilemma.

Heres the truth about multi-tasking - it's not more efficient.

Terry Small's latest Brain Bulletin "The #1 Brain Myth and Why it is Dangerous" has some great information and facts from brain scientists to bust open this myth. I'm a fan of these brain bulletins. If you want to try them out, go to http://www.terrysmall.com/newsletter.asp and sign up. I've also experienced Terry's brain information live when we were presenters at the same conference. He's engaging, and so enthusiastic about his topic and the audience's understanding of it.

So remember, when it comes to doing many things well, to be the master - be a 'solo-tasker'

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Managing employee issues

The Financial Post, June 7th, Canwest News Service

An article titled: "Why Managers can't manage" by Derek Abma.

I was saddened because I was saddly not surprised by this article as I read it on the plane from Kelowna to Montreal. I was on my way to a large communications company to teach various department leaders skills on managing emotions and stress at work. Mr. Abma's article reminded me of what seems to be a chronic problem and not enough being done about it.

It's a good eye opener. Mr. Abma referenced conclusions on Shepell-FGI's survey of human-resources professionals who attended the Health, Work and Wellness Conference in Vancouver in October. Not only are these statistics shocking to read, it's even more shocking so know how true it is.

Here's part of what he wrote:

"Among the findings, 84% of respondents said their organizations have no formal process in place to deal with declining employee productivity or behaviour problems. As well, 81% reported not having a structure in place to deal with issues of employee absenteeism, and 64% said their companies have no specific measures for supporting workers who return to work after an extended absence.

The Shepell-FGI report said employee stress levels rise in tough economic times, which can negatively affect productivity and lead to more absenteeism or disability leave. Karen Seward, Shepell's senior vice-president of business development, said much of the problem comes down to managers' inability to discuss personal issues with their employees. Survey: Supervisors lack the tools to deal with employee issues"

If communication in leadership is so important, and if people are our greatest resource, then why are leaders not trained in the obvious skill of effective communication and stress reduction? How stressful for them to not have support structures in place to deal with these issues - stressful for their subordinates - and a stressful plunge in health, productivity, and the bottom line.

A never-ending project is usually one that was never clearly defined in the first place.

Give your leaders clearly defined techniques and skills in how to communicate effectively, give them the clearly defined structures in place to deal with employee issues then watch the 'statictics' change for the better.

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