Partner over Passion; Choices Women Make when Dating

When it comes to single women over 40 and their search for 'that special guy', maybe the good guys do win in the end.

I've been pondering this of late since 2 good friends of mine are going through strikingly similar situations when it comes to finding that 'relationship'. Their stories are so exact in their timing and situations that it's eerie, especially since we all live in different cities and these women are unaware of the others existence.

Here's the dish . . .
Great mothers, they both raised children while balancing work, and are now accomplished in their chosen professions. They're fit, good looking, happy, confident, divorced, and in their mid to late 40's. Their children are late teens and beyond. They would be considered 'a great catch' by many.

After venturing out into the world of dating, they both finally met someone who rocked their world! These guys connected to them in so many ways - it was passionate. "It's like I've found my soul mate". Yet as electrifying the excitement of the relationship was, so came the jolts of big misunderstandings, heated arguments and realizations that, oh no, I can't stay in this relationship. Too different in their values in certain areas that it would not work out. Both spent 2 years on that Rollercoaster with the man who felt so right yet was so wrong. It's one thing to know it's not the right relationship, it's another thing to turn off the chemistry and walk away. Chemistry is magic and it doesn’t come often.

Then, within a week, I get a call from both of them - same story. I knew they had both met a great guy 2 years ago and that they had some separation periods throughout because both women felt a little unsure when pressed for a stronger relationship. Now, both men wanted a commitment of marriage. This was their dilemma.

Without a doubt, both men were really nice who absolutely adored them. Family and friends thought he was perfect. Never any big conflict or waves. They had so much in common from activities to lifestyle, the perfect partner yet . . . there was no zing. These guys were everything these women thought they wanted yet there was no electrifying chemistry, no big passion spark or 'ahh' this is sooooo right when you're in their presence. You know the feeling I'm talking about?

They didn't have it from the beginning or throughout. And they do love their man - yet love means many things. Although both women get along with their ex-husbands, they don't want to go through the agony of a failed invested relationship again and fear making a mistake.

So as women, we're wondering. Do we have to compromise the passionate chemistry to find the perfect partner? Is there something 'wrong' with us if we can't just appreciate how fortunate we are to have found a nice guy and shallow to expect more? Are we all supposed to believe the 'zing' will fade anyway so let that expectation go?

Have we become smarter by giving up on finding that magical chemistry that is so elusive? Or have we given up in our expectations? Hmmm

In the end, it looks like my friends are going to chose the quality of Partner over Passion. I support and will route for them whatever decision they make. Although I don't know their partners well, I really like them. They're really nice guys and I'm thrilled to see them win.

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Managing employee issues

The Financial Post, June 7th, Canwest News Service

An article titled: "Why Managers can't manage" by Derek Abma.

I was saddened because I was saddly not surprised by this article as I read it on the plane from Kelowna to Montreal. I was on my way to a large communications company to teach various department leaders skills on managing emotions and stress at work. Mr. Abma's article reminded me of what seems to be a chronic problem and not enough being done about it.

It's a good eye opener. Mr. Abma referenced conclusions on Shepell-FGI's survey of human-resources professionals who attended the Health, Work and Wellness Conference in Vancouver in October. Not only are these statistics shocking to read, it's even more shocking so know how true it is.

Here's part of what he wrote:

"Among the findings, 84% of respondents said their organizations have no formal process in place to deal with declining employee productivity or behaviour problems. As well, 81% reported not having a structure in place to deal with issues of employee absenteeism, and 64% said their companies have no specific measures for supporting workers who return to work after an extended absence.

The Shepell-FGI report said employee stress levels rise in tough economic times, which can negatively affect productivity and lead to more absenteeism or disability leave. Karen Seward, Shepell's senior vice-president of business development, said much of the problem comes down to managers' inability to discuss personal issues with their employees. Survey: Supervisors lack the tools to deal with employee issues"

If communication in leadership is so important, and if people are our greatest resource, then why are leaders not trained in the obvious skill of effective communication and stress reduction? How stressful for them to not have support structures in place to deal with these issues - stressful for their subordinates - and a stressful plunge in health, productivity, and the bottom line.

A never-ending project is usually one that was never clearly defined in the first place.

Give your leaders clearly defined techniques and skills in how to communicate effectively, give them the clearly defined structures in place to deal with employee issues then watch the 'statictics' change for the better.

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